My old life

I open my eyes.
Everything is blurry.
I must have been playing games all night, I guess I should drink some water first.

But as I look around, my sight doesn't really get better, even after being awake for a while.
And it feels like I can't move properly.

As I look around, it doesn't seem familiar. The whole room is dark. Mine has been mostly white. Where am I?

Then I look down at my body, and it seems green.
Besides that, moving green spots appear around me.

What's going on?
What have I been doing last night?
I didn't have any kind of drugs at home.
I basically never do drugs.

I close my eyes again and try to think.
The last thing I can remember is that something felt off with my heart.
It was pounding very fast, and it started to hurt.
And then...

Yeah, what happened then?

I guess it just stopped pounding. Yeah, that's the last thing I remembered before I fell asleep.
It wasn't the first time I had problems with my heart, but usually I felt fine after sleeping.
But this time I thought it's really over.

Maybe I just was still half asleep or something.
I really have to get up now.

My body feels heavy, but when I open my eyes again I can at least see everything clearly.

The room I'm in looks like a cave.
And the green spots are humanoid creatures now. They have horns in their faces, red hair, and their skin looks a little like the plates of an armadillo.
They are completely naked. Even if they don't wear any clothes, I don't see their genitals, though.

Are they goblins. They probably are more like orcs, or maybe gorons?
I guess, I'll just call them goblins anyway.

And as I look down at myself, I look just like them. A very small one.
As if I'm a young goblin myself.
Yeah, I'm a goblin lying on some rock in a cave.

So what's going on now?
I should be dead, right?
Is this paradise?

I guess not. Paradise wouldn't have such weird creatures.
Except maybe this is a secret kink I have...
But I probably went to hell anyway.

Maybe I've also just been reborn. That seems more likely.
Why else would I be such a young goblin?
And it doesn't look like an especially great or awful place, like one might expect from paradise or hell.

But why is it exactly me who's reborn?
Maybe this just happens to everybody?
Maybe it even was like this in my past life and I will just forget everything in my first few months?
Or maybe they forgot to delete my memories or something?

But when thinking about it, it's more likely that I'm still dreaming. But I'm pretty sure, my heart stopped pounding for real. So I'll probably die any minute now.
But I wonder why my subconsciousness picked this kind of fantasy instead of cute girls or something.
I mean, maybe I could get used to these goblins, some of them also seem to be girls.

Maybe my family even noticed me in time and I'm actually lying in a hospital already.
I still feel like I won't wake up again.
But if they keep me alive for long enough I might have enough time to grow up and have some sex in this fantasy.
Especially if I end up in some kind of coma.

From that thought, my newborn goblin penis is already getting hard.
If I really get to that point, it might be a little embarrassing if the nurses have to clean up my mess, especially this kind of mess, but they're probably used to this already.

But if this really is a fantasy, why does everything feel so rigid?
Normally thinking about sex would be enough for me to have sex if this was a dream.
At least I would already be standing next to a girl by now.
I doubt that's much different in a coma.

But I'm still lying on that rock in a cave.
And everything feels so real.

So maybe I've actually been reborn or something?
I'll go with that for now. This is also what I'd enjoy the most.
Even if I'm a goblin, this might be my chance to make up for things I missed in my old life.

It's not like I had a bad life.
I was good at school. I didn't have many friends, but the few I had were very close to me.

And even if I did stand out sometimes, I at least acted according to my own world view, not caring too much about the morals of other people.
So I wasn't that popular. Most people thought I'm weird.
But generally I don't regret a lot about my life.

In my last years, I even had a well paid job as a programmer. And I still had a lot of free time for my many creative hobbies.
And since programming was one of my hobbies, my job wasn't much different than a hobby to me.
My job was pretty close to a dream job, but it was still a job and in the end my boss was the one to decide, even when he was wrong, not saying he never took my views into consideration.

I wasn't a beautiful guy. I was even little fat.
But I was training regularly and around a year before my death I started to get pretty athletic.
Even if I lost some weight already, my muscles weren't visible from the outside. There was still too much fat to hide them.
So not enough to attract a real girlfriend.

But when I was younger, even I had a girlfriend. After puberty I looked pretty sexy for a while, and one girl showed interest in me.
We were meeting regularly and did all kind of fun stuff together. We mostly did things I already liked to do on my own, like hiking and playing video games. And she seemed to like it too.
But we never got that close. The closest was hugging, but I never kissed her.
I'm not even sure if she thought of me as her boyfriend or at least a potential love interest.
I might also just have been a normal friend to her.

I might still have had the chance to get a girlfriend at my age, I wasn't even thirty yet, but I didn't think I would be able to get such a fun and cute girl again.

So in the end I never had real sex.
Okay, once I might have had sex. But it's not something I'm proud of.
It probably doesn't even count as sex, but it was still great.

It all began at a time, where I was very depressive. I kind of gave up already.
There was only one person who could change my mood.
This person was my cousin.
At first I only met him at family parties, so only two or three times a year.
But when I felt like I had nothing to lose anymore, I tried to meet him more often, and so we met almost weekly.

He was just a stupid kid, but I loved him.
Yeah, I really loved him. I was into a younger boy.

We did everything a real couple would do together. Not just hiking and playing video games.
We also liked to cook together, and he even slept at my place once in a while.
And there never was a person I could talk about such intimate topics, even if he still had a different view on things because of his age.

But I knew we could never have a real relationship.
He obviously was into girls.
The older he got, the more obvious it was.

We still had a lot of fun together. I enjoyed every second with him.
And he also liked to be with me.
Even if it was just because I let him do whatever he wanted.
When sleeping at my place he even could stay awake as long as he wanted.

But I still wanted more. Since he was into girls, I showed him porn.
He was fascinated.
And I even started rubbing his penis.
He didn't mind.

I wondered if he actually liked it.
I thought, I would have liked it myself.
At least I was a very kinky boy myself.
Even before going to elementary school, I had my first kinky fantasies.
I didn't even know about sex yet, but I already had a lot of fetishes. Whenever I thought I would never want something, it made me horny.
Getting naked in front of other people, being tortured, having to eat different body fluids, being eaten alive...
I had the worst fetishes you could imagine.
I realized later this was just my way to deal with difficult situations.

So after touching him for a while, I decided to fuck the boy.
We've still been meeting and he didn't complain about what I've done so far.
So when he was lying on the couch, playing some videogame, I pulled down his pants a little, revealing his naked ass.
Then I put my penis between his ass cheeks and started rubbing.
I really was a pervert.

He was still distracted by the game and so he didn't complain.
I tried to put it into his hole, but then decided against it.
This would really go too far.

After that we were still meeting for a while, but when I finally got my job it didn't take long until we stopped meeting altogether.
It also seemed like he didn't have that much time anymore.

I'm still not sure if I was really into kids.
I wouldn't be totally opposed to that.
They smell less and they don't grow pubic hair.
But that's something most people like, right?
But this interest definitely was different to my fetishes.

But I've been thinking about this a lot, and I just don't think, age matters to me that much.
The main reason I had such desires for such a young boy was likely something else.
I probably just wanted to make up for things I missed.

When I was younger myself I had so many chances.
All the boys around my age were doing kinky things all the time. But I was too shy to join them.
And even when being alone with my best friend I didn't dare to ask him. I'm sure he would have done almost anything with me.
Instead we were only playing video games or went outside.
And even more often I just played on my own.

It was still a great childhood. And my life was pretty good, too.
I experienced a lot. I played hundreds of exciting games, watched hundreds of exciting anime, and so on.
It's not like I regret my life choices.

But sometimes I wish I would have done just a little more with my friends.

Since I'm still lying there, and it starts to feel more and more real, I have no reason to believe to wake up any time now.

So if this is really my second chance in life, I might also use it to experience what I've been missing, even if it might only be with these goblins.